Last night I called him up to ask him if he would be my bitch. I had been meaning to do it for a while but I kept putting it off, you know how we put off these important things cus we ain’t got the bottle to do it. Anyway after some finely tuned you can do it mother fucker self- help talk, I picked up that phone. And you know what he said? Ur yea baby I’ll be your bitch. And I said no bitch not that kinda fuck me until I squeal bitch, I mean I want you to go to the hair salon and pay to get hair extensions then put on a tight ass dress, with stockings and high heels and paint your face, pretty make yourself real pretty. Then when you done all that. You want me to come and fuck you, he said. No asshole I don’t. I want you to get your ass round here and clean my house from top to bottom and when you have done that I want you to cook my favourite dinner, then when you done all that you can put on a little negligée and do a dance for me and when you done that you can walk the dog and then fuck off. Ha you’re kiddin right? No I said, I am not kidding, I want you to be my bitch. He hung up on me.
By Nikki Kilburn